Dear Stepmoms,
The stepmom life is often full of difficulties.
Of not knowing your role. Of not knowing where you belong. Of not knowing what’s the right thing to do or say or be in any given moment.
But it is also full of the greatest gifts I have ever had the joy of receiving.
There’s absolutely nothing like feeling true, abiding love for a child not because you have to, but because you just do.
There’s nothing like forging a relationship, not through genetics, but through time and effort and long heart-to-hearts over worn-out coffee tables.
Over endless board games. And car rides to grandma’s. And conversations about nothing and everything and peppered with pop songs in between.
The delicate balance of the stepmom life is not lost on me.
I have had – as all stepmoms have, I think – days where my heart seems to crumble and fight and struggle through even the most simple of moments. I have cried many tears over seemingly innocent comments that refuse to release themselves from my heart, no matter how hard I try to make them.
I know that heartache deeply.
But what good does it do to let our hearts stay there?
What use is it for me to focus on that when there is an amazing little person right in front of my eyes – at the forefront of my life, really – who has done nothing but exist and has changed my world irrevocably?
It does the world – and yourself- much more good when you are grateful.
When you realize and acknowledge and constantly remind yourself to focus on the awesome aspects of your stepmotherhood journey.
I am endlessly, impossibly grateful for personal jokes. For family photoshoots. For sharing about our days around the dinner table.
I’m grateful for a husband who supports me and my role in his child’s life wholeheartedly and without reservation.
I’m grateful for the support and community I have found in other stepmoms who understand and accept my family exactly as it is – no more, no less.
And this kid, you guys.
I cannot begin to express how grateful I am for this little being made of wild hair, kind heart, and more sass than I know what to do with.
I was gifted motherhood.
I will never stop being grateful for that miracle.
In a strange, wild, less-than-ideal way, perhaps, but the fact remains that I was gifted this life. I was gifted this child to help raise in whatever way I can and want to and am able to. And I take that responsibility seriously.
I get to stand behind and beside this young person as she grows from a quiet, contemplative, secretly-super-silly little child into an amazing, kind, talented young woman. And I get to help her do that.
I will not be perfect at it. I am not perfect at it.
But I don’t have to be.
I just have to be there, taking my time and trying my best.
And constantly, daily, getting after grateful.
#bestlife, am I right?
Will you join me?
I love your blog and I love you, mama. Want to comment on this and I hope it will be taken the wrong way and not as criticism or negative because it’s not meant to be. It’s the opposite actually. I think the reason that you have such amazing success as a stepmom, and I know for fact that you do because she loves you and we talk about you all the time, is that you allowed your relationship to become what it is without forcing it. You accepted her from the very beginning and let her find her way to you. I’ve known many amazing women who became stepmoms and the truly successful ones, who enjoy incredible relationships with their children, are those who did not interject themselves into an existing “leftover”family but rather let the dust of change settle first and then went slowly when the kids were ready. It makes me so sad when I talk to friends who are struggling with their new family and often I hear the frustration in the amount of time it takes for them to stop feeling like an outside. But there’s great beauty in meeting a kid where they’re at and understanding the time it takes for kids to trust and letting them come to you. Even as a biological mother I have to do that. So often I want to push myself in but I don’t. And I think for a mom, step or otherwise, patience and letting a child lead is such a wonderful way to allow your child to realize how solid you are as a resource, as a positive part of their life, and as someone who will truly love them unconditionally. Just my thoughts. I think you are amazing, my gorgeous Grady ❤️
Not a negative thought AT ALL. I 100% agree! Forging a relationship with any child takes time and patience and love and grace and I always strive to give that space when it’s needed. Because it sometimes IS needed – biological parent or not, you know? You’re simply the best, for the record. Thanks for reading my work, thanks for commenting, and thanks for just generally being a wonderful friend and human! <3