Something I didn’t expect to experience in this stepmom gig was my own special stepmom-themed brand of mom guilt.
Girl, I feel BAD when I can’t spend as much time with you as either of us would like to.
It broke my heart when I told you I had rehearsal every evening this week because of my new show and you said “Already?!” with a tone of sadness in your voice.
This is just another example of the paradox of stepmotherhood.
Your dad and I have it worked out that my schedule, for the most part, is my own – which means I’m able to do lots of shows, see my friends, and get my writing done, whether you and he are home or not.
We decided this is how our family would work a long time ago – it gave me freedom within what can sometimes be a stressful family dynamic and we felt like it would prevent potential resentment in the future.
He and I decided this together. And it works. And I stand by it.
But you know what?
Just because my schedule is my own doesn’t mean I’m awesome at managing it. Far from that, actually.
I need to be better at using my time. I really do.
Because I want to see you every day.
I like to hang out with you and eat dinner together and watch Degrassi: Junior High episodes and talk about what dreams we’ve had recently and share our favorite Office memes and read and talk and…
The reality is you’re growing up. (WAY faster than I ever gave you permission for, by the way, so feel free to slow down on that for a minute, kthanks…)
And the (step)mom guilt is seeping in more and more.
I’m realizing that you’re getting closer and closer to becoming an adult and each day that goes by is one day closer to that reality.
I’m taking a lot of time in this, my Adventure Year, to do things for myself and to figure out what I want my “new normal” working from home to look like.
And it’s good. And I’m excited.
But I want you to know that you and your dad are my main priority, and I’m going to keep working to make sure you know it.
Trying to find balance is basically everyone’s life goal, I’m pretty sure, and I am no exception. Just know that while I’m trying to find that, I’m also making sure I have plenty of time with you by my side, okay kiddo?
Love you forever.